


I want to go back.

by orphan_account



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Family, Family Dynamics, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, TommyInnit-centric, except theres like very little comfort, i'm so bad at writing emotions oh myGOD, not beta read we die like wilbur soot on the 16th, the rest r only mentioned sorry LUL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:20:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27675284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: hey my brain thought you know that thing where ghostbur cant remember bad things? that but tommy cant remember the events of the 16th and techno & wilbur
Comments: 2
Kudos: 85





	I want to go back.

**Author's Note:**

> hey girl i just forgot some traumatic events

To whoever's reading this journal; My name is TommyInnit, I'm the right hand man of L'Manberg, what used to be my big brother's nation. It's now led by Tubbo actually, he's my best friend and I think he'll do a good job! Philza has joined us! I don't know why he looked so sad, when I asked him what happened to my big brothers? He told me not to worry about it, so I'm going to try not to ask. We used to be really happy, actually, back at Phil's house. It was Phil, me, !@?#?#?@ and @?/!@$?@?!$@$. I can't remember their names actually, whatever, I won't ask.

Our first day leading went really nice, actually, the civilians are really nice and seem to be happy Tubbo was our new president! We're working on fixing the remains of what had happened (Not that I know of what had happened) and started building a new city over it! It's coming along really nice and I'm so proud of Tubbo! 

I remember !@?#?#?@ and @?/!@$?@?!$@$ sparring, I wouldn't be allowed to join because I was too young, and Philza thought I would get injured. Silly him, though, maybe I could have proved him wrong. I remember meeting Tubbo and talking to him about bees a lot! He likes bees, I have a bee plush, back at Philza's house, Tubbo bought me it one time when we were 10, I'm really attached to it.

A lot of our civilians still seem devastated, I don't understand why. Maybe it was because of the remains below our houses? I want to ask them about it, but it still seems like a really touchy subject towards them, so I won't. Niki is still very kind though, even with the grief clouded in her eyes, I still enjoy her freshly baked bread, and I still enjoy talking with her about whatever. Fundy is still very mischievous, even with the grief clouded in his eyes, I still enjoy throwing pranks at him, and him throwing pranks at me back. We get together well, I think he's still pretty funny! Eret is still very supportive, even with the grief clouded in their eyes, I enjoy walking by their castle, from time to time, sometimes chatting with them while they’re out doing something. (Why am I saying still?)

The new people are nice, Puffy (Although she is a woman) is fun to talk to, I don’t know much about her yet, but she’s very polite! Connor is a very funny man, I have to admit, we will do many funny things together and I hope to make every experience with him the greatest. Philza, well, I know Philza, he’s my father, he’s the father to !@?#?#?@ and @?/!@$?@?!$@$ as well! He’s still very fatherly, even with the grief clouded in his eyes, and the guilt. (He did something, didn’t he? It’s okay though, I won’t question it.)

I think they know I don’t know about it, I think they look at me with some kind of jealousy, in a way, to be living like I was. I don’t know what’s so different about it, I don’t know what happened that was so bad. I don’t know why they look at me like that, I think Philza knows I don’t know anything. He’s asked me what I remember after the sixteenth once, I told him nothing, he didn’t push on further, he just sighed. I don’t know why I’m expected to know, I don’t know what grief they carry with them on their shoulders and I don’t know why I don’t understand. 

I think I remember a name? It’s distant, though, and it brings me nothing. Sometimes the name slips out of my hands when I think I’ve grasped it with my own two hands, sometimes I get lost mid-thought when I think I’ve nearly got it. I don’t remember much about this person, (I know he had brown hair-), I don’t know in what way he was related to me, but he seemed important to Philza. (Was he carrying the blood of them in his hands?) 

I remember another, not his name but it’s still something right? He was good at PVP, he had pink hair (Was he the one who sparred with the other?) He wasn’t all that good with emotions (I remember an awkward hug when I came into his room after a nightmare). I don’t know why he’s so important to me or to Philza, but I won’t push further, maybe one day I’ll remember. (That’s what Philza said, yeah?)

Today seems off, actually, but everyday feels off. It’s the same, today’s just stronger. Everyday is the same thing, same routine, it’s bland. Except for the times where Tubbo gives me a task or I talk with one of the civilians. (Are they my friends? I don’t know) I do the same thing I do everyday, I wake up, eat something (the food no longer tastes the same), head out of the cave I had decided to call home. (What was it called again?) Meet up with Tubbo, do Vice Presidential duties, head home, do anything I need to work on, head to bed. (There always seems to be the presence of somebody, when I wake up, but I don’t push further, maybe one day I’ll figure it out)

Today I woke up and with a headache, so I decided to sleep in, I remembered something but thinking about it makes my head hurt. I don’t want to think about it more so I guess I’ll put it here, I remember a name, Wil? I think there’s more to it, but it hurts my head. Philza came out looking for me, he found me in the bed looking pathetic. He decided to make me some food (Not that I’d admit it, but it tasted a lot better than what I had been eating for a while.)

Oh, the headache continued, even for today. I hadn’t gotten out of bed yesterday, and I still haven’t gotten out today. Tubbo seems worried, sort of, and so does Philza. Maybe I’ll be alright tomorrow? I think I might add what I remembered today, Techie…? That might not be it, but it hurts my head to think about. Hopefully one day I’ll put together the pieces to the puzzle.

I woke up today from a nightmare, I’m pretty sure I screamed from that nightmare, I saw something, I saw something I probably shouldn’t have seen. It felt so real (was that what I had forgotten?) It looked so gory, it was terrifying, there was an explosion on our nation- There was Wil and Techie and ohmygodithurttosee- and I woke up in a cold sweat today and Philza had to come and calm me down but I don’t think I’m calm yet, it hurt to see, hurt to breathe, I wanted to go back to sleep but not with what I had dreamed about.

I remember now- I remember now, about Wilbur Soot and TechnoBlade and they were my brothers but one of them is dead and now he haunts L’Manberg and that was the presence that watched over me. That’s the grief everyone was trying their hardest to fight back, Wilbur and Techno were my brothers and they caused such an act on our nation and one of them is dead and the other is still out for blood and I’m scared and I don’t ever want to leave my room. It’s scary, why did I remember. I don’t want to remember it, I don’t want to remember it. I want to go back to the bliss of being unaware, of having forgotten, because living with it seems so much harder to me. I’m not calm, even if Philza tried to calm me down. We were a family and now we’ve been torn apart and my only question is Why????? And I will never smile the same and have the same look in my eyes and maybe this is what Philza was asking me about, maybe this is what was clouded in their eyes, what was carried on their shoulders. Now I know and now I want to forget.

  
  


_ I want to go back. _

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hey girl i just remembered some traumatic events


End file.
